What a prick!

Charming Your Chores: Scrub That Floor! (Photo credit: queercatkitten)

Its been a long day today for her. So far she has cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the living room, moped the kitchen and fed the pets, she has made the beds, prepared the meals, vacuumed the house, cleaned the yard, weeded the garden, and finally at the end of the day she finally sits down to rest. Anxious for her husband to come in. Which he does.
He first comes into the house and races to the bathroom, his wife sits on the coaxh, sitll not a word from her husband. after the bathroom he takes of his muddy shoes and throws them on the carpet. (the freshly vacuumed carpet). he slips on some sandles and heads to the fridge while his wife waits on the couch, still no words from her husband. He opens the fridge and opens a beer. Now he walks towards his wife and opens his mouth and says “is the food ready?”.
What a prick! The wife has laboured all day for him and all he can say is “is the food ready?” However, dont we do that all the time with God. He wants to know us and yet we give him feeble 5 minute devotions, or quick pryaers of want. When do we actually sit down to marvel at how great God is for doing all that He does for more than just 5 minutes….He is not the Prick, WE are.

Juan Castillo Jr.

Roll on through (Poem)

If you find yourself

Misted

Fogged

Lost in a wall of translucent confusion

If your Friend seems

Silent

Absent

Fold in the place of confession

But don’t let the waves of deception

And empty deceit

Grab your hold and remold the heart that He keeps

Don’t let the desire of wanting and meet

And the hunger to keep

So roll through the mile and hint of defeat

Fighting thought itself

Struggling

Wondering

Is there an end to the endless blood fest

Dragging chains from hell

Heaving

Pulling

There has to be a way of constant rest

Just don’t let the waves of deception

And empty deceit

Grab your hold and remold the heart that He keeps

Don’t let the desire of wanting and meet

And the hunger to keep

So roll through the mile and hint of defeat

Reality’s not what fell

Standing

Calling

Stand and hear wisdom yell

Sin now casts its spell

Dancing

Laughing

Don’t fret the empty words, you’re well

And don’t let the waves of deception

And empty deceit

Grab your hold and remold the heart that He keeps

Don’t let the desire of wanting and meet

And the hunger to keep

So roll through the mile and hint of defeat

Juan Castillo Jr.

Seafulness (in search of silence)

The sun has not quite graced me with its commanding presence. Nevertheless I muster the strength to say hello as I walk unto the sands of the white and alluring sea. Nature’s agents are welcoming me with their quick joyful cautious songs. The waves provide a constant rhythmic backdrop as the orchestra of the seas graces me with music. I have found silence. I bid the sea to follow me on a steady walk where we converse about the thrills and the ills of man. Saddened, the sea reveals to me her tears as her agents lie fallen asleep at my feet. I stand motionless, not knowing what to say, and yet wanting to say everything. The sun has now graced me with his smile as he casts his arms around the harmonious melody of the sea. Yet with his embrace, comes the all too familiar face of man. Goodbye silence. I brace myself for the curious “good mornings” and “hellos”. As the sea speaks and no one listens. I bid the sea farewell and I start to make my way back home. But her language is unfamiliar to me. I can’t hear. Yet men’s language is loud and clear. Noisy, boisterous, loud and selfish. I walk into the fray, a familiar space and I hear silence no more.

In search of silence

I pull the string and signal the bus to stop.  12 seconds later, I start to walk towards the now opened doors.  I wish the driver a good evening as he smiles and shuts the door.  The bus drives off, leaving me besides the empty dark loud streets.  It’s been a long day.  I make my way towards my apartment where my keys beg to stay hidden.  Mustering an expression of annoyance, I argue with my keys.  I win.  As the door to my apartment opens, I am greeted by an assault upon my sense of hearing.  My lack of sound level tolerance annoys me as I ponder the fact that he has every right to listen to whatever he wants.  What is wrong with me? I smile to the now waving roommate as I quickly cross the living room, into the apartment hall that leads to my room. I drop my bag on the bed as I let my mind unwind for a moment.  Unfortunately, it fails to unwind, and instead fires off all the responsibilities weighing on the dark corners of my thoughts.  I’m exhausted.  Hunger has not entered my sphere of recognition, nevertheless I seek a worthy distraction and so I proceed to the kitchen.  A half empty bottle of tequila begs for my attention.  Instead, I wander towards the front door and I head out.  I need silence, but even as I realize my desire for such thing, I am confronted by the realization that silence is nowhere to be found.  My feet instinctively lead me towards Publix Supermarket with its bright lights and super clean environment.  As the automatic doors open the 80’s assault springs upon me and wakes me into apprehension.  Is that Madonna?  Normally, I would not mind her voice.  Tonight however, I wanted anything but anything.  Nothing would be nice.  As I wandered the aisles of the supermarket, making my mental inventory of things-I-did-not-need-and-probably-should-not-buy-but-what-the-heck-Im-going-to-buy-it-anyways, I came face to face with a distraction that had the power to kill while smiling.  This is a distraction I wanted nowhere near me and yet wanted very close to me.  We nod to each other, and I pass by making sure to turn and

Aisle (Photo credit: boutmuet)

go 4 aisles down before I turn to continue my very important frivolous grocery inventory.  Passing girls talking about their girlfriends and others talking about…whatever, in some other language, I look at my feet and say to them in a language only they understand “silly feet, there’s no silence here”…but they only laugh at me.  I proceed to move towards the end of the aisle and as I am about to exit, my line of vision is interrupted by someone entering my same aisle.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  It’s the distraction.  Again I move past it and make my way to the deli department where I am greeted by a gorgeous girl.  I smile, but the smile is but a façade.  She asks me for my desire, and I express to her my request.  My desire unfortunately has been robbed by this world tonight, and again I look at my feet to tell them “silly feet, there is no silence here” But they just shrug.  I look up to notice the girl preparing my sub.  On all account she’s, beautiful.  Long curly dark hair, deep dark brown eyes, with long flirty eye lashes.  Her face is in that perfect proportion that tells you she’s innocent, but knows enough to be dangerous.  She returns to where I am located as I stand there pretending to stare at an empty shelve where tea and juices apparently once populated it.  She smiles as she asks for a continuation of my desire; and so I proceed to give her a continuation of my request.  Her smile is by all accounts enlightening.  I don’t want to ruin her night with my mood; therefore I smile as big as I can as I explain to her my frivolous request.  As her eyes meet mine, I realize, I may have smiled a bit too much.  Any other guy would see this moment and possibly proceeded to ask for her number.  I on the other hand wanted nothing to do with her number.  I could ask her to go to lunch.  Sure.  I could ask her to go to a movie, maybe.  I could ask her to go on a date.  Nope.  I thank her for the now finished sub as I grab it from her hand and place it on my cart.  I tell my heart, “sorry, there is no silence there” as I turn the cart around and head over to the cashier.  My heart replies with weeping as my feet complain.

May it be (poem)

May it be, oh Lord, as you will
As you will, oh Lord, may it be.
Even though the fear of it still…
In the stillness, oh Lord may I see.

May it be to your Glory and Fame
For Famous and Glorious are Thou.
May I always so cherish your Name
and bless it, to spread It somehow.

May I suffer the loss of whats known
Let the knowledge of real be no more.
For the Stillness is calling me home
Yes the Stillness has set out His lure.

In this knowledge, oh Lord, may I be
May I be, unto Thee, more than me.
For if life has its earth and its sea,
May my calling to You, may it be.

Wrap Your arms, oh Lord, around me
Move me closer, oh Lord, unto Thee.
Calm the storm that is raging within
For your glory, oh God, may this end.

Lights will shine in their season, they’ll shine
They will shine but an end they will meet.
Life, may I follow you blind
May I follow you blind to the sea.

A wave crashes and fear takes its grip
The blue, dark waters, so deep.
For fear, an enemy is
But You, oh Lord, may You Be.

May the lilies dance til they fade
Dancing, singing, may birds fly away.
Walking to You, may I not see day
In Your presence may I always stay.

Let it be, oh my God, let it be
As You wish, Your delight is the key
to the heart that in twine has its beats
yet the battle at last knows defeat.

May the sunshine in Light slowly fade
In an instant my eyes on You stay.
May I awe in Your presence, may it be.
May I awe in Your presence, Lord to Thee.

Juan Castillo Jr.

The Sun Wouldn’t Rise (Story and the song) [reblog]

The following is a reblog of an amazing young man who is a song writer, singer, comedian, and just all around cool guy.  He has written an amazing blog that I wanted to share with my audience because I believe most of you guys will be able to really identify with him.  His blog really blessed, and I pray it does the same for you.  

In your service, 

Juan Castillo Jr.

 

This is the story behind my song “The Sun Wouldn’t Rise”. 

I wrote this song a few months ago while I was still job hunting. If you’ve never had the fun of job-hunting, I assure you it is one of the most annoying things you could possibly go through. Worse than a marathon of Olsen Twins movies.

Each day I would wake up and apply for jobs, go to interviews, networking events, etc. and each day I would get notified about some new rejection. Every “Thanks for applying, but…” email would continually remind me how bad I was at everything and how everyone was moving way faster in life than I was.

Now, for the first few weeks or so, it’s doable. You just turn on a Rocky movie, get pumped up, and remind yourself that good things take time and hard work. But going into your third year post-college and still being in the same spot you were when you started can really wear on your emotions and self esteem. Needless to say, every word that came out of my mouth was not an “Amen.” In fact, many of the words would probably upset a lot of you parents. I’m sorry, but it’s just the truth.

I could talk for a long time about those years and all the struggle I went through because there are so many stories from that time. And I know a lot of you probably have shared a conversation or two with me during that time and you know what I mean. But for the sake of this message, let’s just say that I was pretty low and every day was a day I had to fight through, with more than just the lack of a job coming against me.

So let’s flash back a little while before that now.

While I was in college I was heavily involved in FCA at the University of Florida. One of the best decisions of my life was getting into that community of amazing people. Even after I graduated, I stayed in Gainesville for two years, and FCA is the type of community that you will just always be a part of.

Unfortunately for FCA, a casual, fun trip that some of the students had gone on in Georgia ended up being the exact opposite. While doing a little cave diving, my friend (and the current president of FCA) Grant Lockenbach was tragically killed along with another member of the group whom I never had the privilege of meeting.

That’s the kind of thing that no one plans for or could ever be ready for. How could you be ready for something like that? It’s so sudden and so painful that it just cuts through you like a knife. One of those things where you just look up to God and stare clueless and helpless.

I went to the memorial service they had for the two boys the following evening or so. It was one of those times where everyone is hurting and angry even, but yet you feel some strange sort of peace just by being around people you love and knowing you had loved the same person. That’s the redeeming part of funerals.
We sang some worship songs led by the FCA band and spent some time in prayer. Then to my surprise, my friend Keri got up to speak. The reason this was a surprise to me is because she was Grant’s girlfriend at the time of the accident. She had literally just been with him the day before. I thought, “How the heck can she get up and share anything and it make sense right now? What could she possibly say? I would be way too angry at God to encourage the people of God.” But there she was, standing before the crowd and holding the microphone.

Keri shared a story and even all this time later I haven’t forgotten it. She said that on the Georgia trip her and Grant had gotten up early to try and go watch the sunrise. There’s nothing like seeing the sun come up while you’re in the mountains, and being from Florida, it’s not something we have the chance to see often.

She said that they had gotten up quite early and headed off to find a good spot. They headed out and found a good spot that the view would be amazing from and they waited for that breathtaking sunrise. And they waited. And they waited a little longer. After waiting for so long, they decided that they should just head back to the campsite, and that apparently the sun wasn’t going to show up that day.

As they were heading back, they slowly began to see some light shining behind them. Turning around, they realized that it was of course the sun. She said they felt pretty ridiculous. “How could we have thought that the actual sun was not going to rise that morning?!”

Sure enough the sun rose. And she went on to say that even though this time that they were all in was dark, and it seems like it’s been darker longer than it should be, the sun would indeed rise on it all. The glory of God would show up. The comfort and restoration promised to us by God would come around. The sun would rise.

I couldn’t get these thoughts out of my head one November evening as I knelt by my bed. I wish I could say I was kneeling out of faith, but I was on my knees in desperation. I had just gotten done yelling at God in my closet so the neighbors wouldn’t hear me screaming and think someone was being murdered. I’m not sure that’s what Jesus meant by “prayer closet” but it works for me. It was hard to worship God. It was hard to believe for something good to happen because for so long just absolutely nothing had worked. I remember literally praying for the “crumbs of the bread off the table,” I’d receive even just any little thing from God. I didn’t care. (Matthew 15:17)

But I felt the Lord keep reminding me of Keri’s testimony, and telling me that sun would rise on me. I couldn’t shake it and I felt a peace come over me that I can’t explain. You know how the Bible says that God will turn our mourning into dancing? Well, it’s true. I sat down on my bed and began to write this song.

This kind of Hope is what separates us from the rest of the world. The hope we have in darkness. We’d be delusional to try and act like things are always good when honestly they just suck. And I don’t think God expects us to wake up some mornings and just say, “I’m happy!” when we’re not. But what I’m finding more than ever is that the Word of God really is what it says it is. And in my weakness, he really is strong. I don’t get it, and I don’t like it, but there is a purpose for it. We may never find out until eternity, but there is a purpose. I don’t think God wastes any of our tears. And we have to believe that the sun will rise. That God’s promises are not just neat thoughts, but they are actually his unshakable, reliable word.

And so I started believing that. That God is going to come through, not because of any amount of works I could do, but simply because he loves me. And good things are in store, because he said they were.

And here I am ten months later and I can’t tell you how much has changed just in that amount of time. I don’t tell you this because I think it’s because I’m so smart and persistent; I tell you this because I’ve simply seen the grace and goodness of God in ways I can’t deny. You can call it what you want if you don’t believe and it doesn’t bother me, but with everything in me I believe that God does it all. I’m not talented enough to pull any of this stuff off.

I don’t know where you’re at or how dark things might seem for you right now. And I guess I don’t even want to phrase it “might seem,” things could be just straight dark. But just as sure as day comes, I am confident that things will not always be dark. And in your heart you have to ask yourself, “Who is more faithful? The sun, or the Creator of the sun?”

You can make it. You don’t have to give up. You don’t have to believe the thoughts in your head or what others may be telling you. Believe that he “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

I know I’m only in my 20s and I can only tell you what I know and what I believe, but I still believe that the sun is going to rise. Keep the faith.

Never seen a night like this one, and maybe I’m not right where I should be.
I’ve been looking under tables for the crumbs, that are falling from the bread of kings and queens.

Maybe you’ve grown tired of my prayers, or maybe you’re expecting more of me,
They told me that you’d always be there, but I never thought it’d be so hard to believe.

Don’t let me go, don’t close your eyes, don’t go away even when I say you should.
I know you know, I’ve told you lies, but my lies are facing up to The Truth.

Staring into the darkest of nights, how could we believe that the sun wouldn’t rise?
And what I can’t see is still in your sights, how could we believe that the sun wouldn’t rise?

Tight fist, and no one knows the pain, of what it means to lose what you’ve believed.
And I think you’ve got a lot to explain, but right now you’ve chosen not to speak.

But I know your voice- is more than words, it’s more than just what I could hear or read,
And I’ve made the choice- to put you first; so this must mean I’m right where I should be
And I know you’re here taking this with me.

Staring into the darkest of nights, how could we believe that the sun wouldn’t rise?
And what I can’t see is still in your sights, how could we believe that the sun wouldn’t rise?

And we will see, the dawn will rise in majesty,
And we will know, what all the pain and loss was for,
And when he comes, our tears will blow away like dust,
And I believe, that this Kingdom never lost its King,
I still believe.

And though right now I can’t see your ways,
Soon we will see face to face.

Staring into the darkest of nights, how could we believe that the sun wouldn’t rise?
And what I can’t see is still in your sights, I still believe that this sun will rise.

http://jonathantony.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-sun-wouldnt-rise-story-and-song.html

Get Up! (Poem)

Get up, don’t sit
Come forth to me
And let me wrap you
In liberty

I plead for you
To come right now
A Father’s love
Cannot be bound

Don’t worry bout’
Your guilt and shame
I’ve paid for that
I’ve called your name

Don’t you hear my call?
Can’t you hear my plea?
It is written down
For eternity

So come now, come
The time is now
I’ve moved and spoken
Thus you will bow

To those who bow
From a willing heart
I’ll give them life
A brand new start

To those who bow
From brokenness
I wont forget
I’ll give them rest

Come on, come on
Here take my hand
I’ts time to move
And time to stand

The wind is blowing
To and fro
And now my son
I call your soul

Stand up. rise up!
Don’t meddle in
The pool of doubt
The way of sin

Rise up, come forth!
Oh child of woe
My stream is life
Drink for your soul

The waters’ flow
Will set you free
Come forth, come forth!
To liberty!

I call your name
I know you well
Rise up, stand up!
I’ve paid your bail

These chains you wear
Are binding you
Give them to me
I’ll make you new

Come on, lets go!
No time to loose
For you don’t know
The time I choose

Or do you think
That life is fair?
You think that joy
Will be found there?

Don’t walk but run
Run unto me
The time is here
To be set free

 

Juan Castillo Jr.

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Heaven is….

As I was working out today, an interesting question popped into my head.  “Is heaven, heaven if God is not there?”  And it has stuck with me pretty much the whole day.  I’m thinking this is something that God wants me to mule over and answer.  So here it goes:

I guess to answer this question; I have to really be honest about what excites me about heaven.  The scriptures describe heaven as a place of perfection; no more sin, hate, pain, etc.  Also according to scripture we will have glorified bodies, which if they’re anything like the body Jesus had after he resurrected, than well be able to fly, pass through walls, and teleport.  Talk about superpowers heh?  So yeah, I guess all that is cool and exciting.  But one of the things that scripture mentions about heaven is that God is going to be there, and that His light will Illuminate Heaven so that heaven won’t need a sun or a moon.  Moreover, there won’t be any darkness…ever.  So if heaven’s light source is God, than it would stand to reason that if God was not there, heaven would really not be heaven.  However, I think this question is deeper than that.  I think what God (I believe its Him that’s popped this question into my head.) wants to know is, what exactly attracts me about heaven….actually more like, what really is heaven for me?

Like I said, I have been meditating on this question pretty much the whole day and I have come to the conclusion that heaven really is not heaven if God is not there, not because Heaven needs God for light, but because the whole draw/appeal of heaven is God himself.  Yeah, it’s cool that well have glorified bodies.  And it’s also cool that sin won’t be there (very cool indeed), or evil, or imperfections.  But honestly, the coolest thing of all is that God himself will be there.   That is what I have been longing for all this time; to see Him, to be with Him, to feel Him, hear Him, talk with Him as a man talks to a friend,  to joke around and yet be in awe of how awesome He is.  God is the source of my expectation of heaven.  Everything else is like icing on the cake.  And if Paul is correct (which I’m sure he is :)) then that icing is beyond anything I can ever imagine while here on earth.  But even so, if God was not there, I much rather be where God is. 

When I think about heaven (and I’m really not exaggerating here), I think about running to God and embracing Him.  Honestly, that’s the picture I have in my mind of heaven.  As cool as everything else is, I really could care less because what I really want is God.  I don’t say this to sound super spiritual or something like that. I say this because it’s really how I see heaven.  Honestly,  I can’t wait to see Him! (and before someone says something, I’m not suicidal lol).  Oh to hear Him say “well done thou good and faithful servent!”….to hear Him say anything!  Oh just to hear Him!!!  And I also picture us taking a stroll through the beaches of heaven.  Actually I don’t know if heaven has beaches, but if they do, you can bet I will ask God if He would be willing to take a stroll on the beach.  And we can talk about….oh about everything.  Ha! We’ll have all eternity and then some to talk about everything and then some.   And His throne.  Oh man, this part frightens me a bit.  I mean, I get chills reading the description of it in Revelation; so awesomely huge and in the midst of creatures full of eyes and several wings.  And the thunder and the lightning…..and Solomon thought he had a cool throne, lol.  But Im sure that as a new glorified being, I will be able to see it and not be terrified.  Oh man!  How cool is going to be to see God!  And of course, it’s going to be cool to see everyone else too.  But God….oh yeah, Heaven is Heaven only because of Him…..nothing more, nothing less.

 

Juan Castillo Jr.

To the One and only

Dad, you are awesome and Good, your mercies are unending and quick to be given, your love is wild, unlike anything this world knows, and You are the one who knew me even before I was made. You are the one who called me by name, redeemed me from the mess of a wicked life to a newness of holiness. In You I find strenght to pass through the fields of uncertainty knowing that certainty is only found in you. You’ve taught me what it feels like to be loved and more importantly, you’ve taught me how to love. In a world where the word love is but an emotion, You show the true nature of it for You are love. Ive never seen such fervent consistency. Ive never felt so protected. Its almost as if You’re whole world revolves around me, yet I know that You have many other children. Nevertheless, you’re love for me is sooo strong and so real. How could I have not felt it before?

In spite of the many times you saught me. Those times when I was content in living a life meant to please myself. Yet the Irony of it all is that I was never quite pleased. I always laked something. Yet, You, with Your arms abundent in mercies and grace, broke through the dark clouds of deceit as a warrior defending His bride. I felt your grip on me and your strong tug. And with a mighty roar you led me, defended me, freed me. You truly are the Champion. You truly are my King. Ive heard the word worship used for vein pleasures of sin. Worship of that which is carnal, that which wont last. All along I was blind to a true worship of you. But now, without restrain, I lift my hands and open my heart to worship You. For You are the One who is from everlasting to everlasting. You are the one that defines what beauty is for You are beautiful. You are the one that sets rules and are the true Judge, but in all of Your perfection, You decide to love that which is inperfect so that in turn you make them perfect.

Marvelous are you Oh Lord, what word could I ever say to reflect the wonder that is You. Is there a love in this world that can compare? May my life always be Yours. May my will always bow to You.
The path You’ve given me to follow may I always follow. May You always be my God. May the greatness of this life in you never cease to escape my imediate attention. The enemy is the prince of deception, and human that I am, can fall to his lies. But You are the Righteous King, Truth incarnate, living in me. Guide me in Your Way as You have since the first moment I met you 16 years ago. Even through the dark time, that lasted for what seemed an eternity, you have led me through it.

I praise you Oh Lord, with the highest Praise. I’ll sing, My God of your mercies and truths until I die. And when that Glorious day of my departure comes, Ill be anxious to finally see you face to face.  To run into your arms to receive the deep satisfaction of your warm and perfect embrace. And there, I shall finally find rest.

Love you Dad, My God, My King, My Lord

Juan Castillo Jr.