I don’t have to understand everything


This is a blog I found from my trip to Italy.  Its funny because it dawned on me that the same lesson God was teaching me then, He is still teaching me now.  How patient is the Lord!

Italiano: Collage di varie foto di Vicenza

Italiano: Collage di varie foto di Vicenza (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, I am back in Vicenza and I am enjoying some time away from the crew. It has given me some much needed me time. But at the same time, it has enabled me to think…A LOT! This trip has been an eye opener for me, in soooooooooo many ways. For starters it has shown me how weak I really am. For a while, I was beginning to feel like a strong Christian. I was doing the right things, going to church, not cursing, not thinking perverted thoughts, so forth and so forth. A year of that…it was great! All it took was one trip to Italy for all that to go down the shoot and now I find myself getting drunk, cursing like a sailor, and thinking the most perverse things. I guess you can say I am truly not the christian I should be. I don’t glory in this but if I have learned one thing is this, self pity is stupid. I can waddle in my own mud or I can decide to do something about it. I know I love Dad, He has shown that to me and so ill just have to keep getting up, dusting off and moving on. Life is too short to meddle in self pity.  I wont do it! He showed me a while ago that I would fall before I finally learn, so why the drama? I guess I say this because of the fact that I just don’t fully understand anything, anything at all. The biggest struggle has been (of course) my “orientation”. Soooooo many questions. Why if I love someone the way I do, why is that wrong? Is it really wrong? Could the authors of God’s word maybe wrote something and it was translated differently? But in reality all these question stem from the desire to do my will. And I forget that when I accepted Christ as my savior I died to self. Something the world does not understand nor can they. I died to the right to understand anything. I must walk by faith whether I understand it or not. I do struggle, I struggle and hurt like crazy. Sometimes is unbearable!  Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel. I ache when I see that I mess up and hurt God’s testimony, for He is doing something in me. But when will it show? I don’t know. But in spite of all of that, I must hold on and do that which I know is right. Some have said I’m too hard on myself. Some have even said I should just have fun and enjoy myself. What they don’t understand is that I am myself. This IS who I am. And that’s the point after all.
In this life we are always going to try to do what we want to do. We will always search for a way other than God’s because in our hearts, if we are honest, we don’t really believe that God loves us and that He truly wants the best for us. If we did believe that, than we would do what God wanted from us without question.
I remember a time when I used to be a personal trainer for the YMCA. There where clients that did not know much of anything when it came to working out. I had to start with the basics with them. Sometimes I would have to do things knowing that they did not comprehend what I did. I remember me saying to them “just trust me” I knew where I was going even if they didn’t. I feel that is what God is telling me now. He knows sooooooooooo much more and see soooooooooo much farther than anything I can conceive. His knowledge is so great that if he were to try to explain things I still would not get it, so I feel as if He says, “just trust me”. Actually I know He says it for in His word it says “lean not on your own understanding” “in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path”….in other words “trust me”. God’s knowledge is insane, I mean, just look at the human body? there are things in our own bodies…..the thing that we claim that is ours yet we know so little off. (its funny how we can claim something as a possession and yet not know what it is). Do we really believe we actually created this thing? There is one creator and He is the master Architect. Who are we, the design, to say to the designer, “this is how you intended me to be”. The fact that we don’t understand God should not be a

Richard Meier "Atheneum"

Richard Meier “Atheneum” (Photo credit: Jeff Gerhardt – [Fe][C]ycles)

surprise, we are created, God is the creator. The creation will never fully comprehend the Creator. That’s like saying a Richard Meier building understands who Richard Meier is. That’s Stupid. A Richard Meier Building may show a part of who Richard Meier is the same way we show a part of who our creator is, but the building will NEVER EVER tell you the whole story that is Richard Meier, because the design does not fully understand he which designed it.
And so even if I don’t understand I will do what I feel God wants me to do….To keep quiet! Since I have been here, I have had many confrontations of my faith. Normally I would not mind entering into a debate. In spite of my failure, I am not ashamed to claim the name of Christ. However, one thing that I feel Dad is telling me to do is to keep quiet. His knowledge is known, and He is more than able to defend Himself. No one around me is ignorant to His ways. What I must focus on is being a genuine Christian. People are sick of Bible thumping pricks who think they know everything there is to know about God. I fall into that category. So I must do that which is right. Focus on being genuine. Focus on loving people, and then maybe one day I will earn the right to speak to them about a relationship with their creator. But even that cant be the focus, for true love has no other motives other than love itself.
WOW, so many things running through my brain its hard to pen them all down. I hope you guys get something out of this.

Love you all

Juan Castillo Jr.

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Christians vs presidential elect


The elections are over, and our president is sitting in the place of authority as commander and chief. Some are celebrating, and others are mournful. Some have lost faith in this country (according to Facebook anyways) some have had their faith renewed. But no matter what camp you’re in, one thought may be dangerously close to your belief. The thought that says “the elections are over, I voted, I’m done”. But this couldn’t be any more wrong. The elections are but the first hurdle In a series of accountability checks. Whether you voted for Obama or not, the fact is he is now our president. As such he represents our country, this country, the country that you and I live in. This has many implications and all of them have to do with the fact that as citizens of the United States of America we are responsible. Yes, we are responsible to keep our leader accountable by voicing our concerns. But we are also responsible to help this country be united. This means laying aside our political prejudices and realizing that at the end of the day we are all human. All of us. Including our president. In order to lead us, he needs to know us. And he won’t be able to do that if we focus on division for the sake of being difficult as opposed to unity for the sake of our country. This does not mean to agree on everything the president proposes, but what this means is that our goal should be to build our country back up, not tear it down by petty quarrels and unwarranted rebellious attitudes. This goes particularly to my Christian brothers and sisters. If there is a time when we need to call on the name of The Lord, repent from our sins, and ask Him to heal our land, it is now. Make no mistake, it is our fault that our country is so divided and so cold towards God. Why? Because we keep pointing fingers as opposed to kneeling. We keep displaying our hatred (yes I said hatred) for a leader as opposed to loving him. We need to pray for our leader as we are commanded in scripture, but even more importantly we need to love our leader. Love does not mean automatic agreement. It doesn’t even mean automatic support. What it does Mean is that we are constantly thinking of the well being of our leader. This includes prayer, loudly proclaiming what is being done right and respectfully voicing what we see as being done wrong. I mean we all like that right? Have you ever worked for a boss that all he does is see the bad things you do? I have, and let me tell you, it’s not fun. Why is it ok then for us to get positive feedback and yet not ok for us to give it? Love looks at the whole picture. Love is patient, love is kind, we all know these verses. Yet how often do we live them out. Behold, our God (as scripture clearly states) has established His appointed. The question now remains, what will you do? Will you love Him, or will You give in to your carnal self and bemoan the fact that your choice is not sitting in the Oval Office. Rise up Christians, that’s something that people who don’t know God does. But we know that our God is sovereign and in complete (let me say that again…complete) control. So guess who you are grumbling against? We are the salt of the earth. As such we are responsible to be above reproach. The time has come to repent, and to intercede for God’s anointed. The time has come for God’s children to ask for God’s will to be done. Is God’s hand so short that he cannot direct the leader’s heart and mind like He directs the waters?
Are there any more disciples who are willing to take God at His word? No wonder the unbelievers mock, jeer, and sneer at God’s name. And we only fuel their fire! Let’s wisen up, let’s move on, lets rise up and proclaim our God as sovereign. Let’s trust, let’s repent, let’s draw near to God and love Him. Let’s let Him lead us. Lets find our joy and contentment in the one who is able and willing to give it. And above all, lets love, as our God of love, loves.

Juan Castillo jr.

When tomorrow comes, and the vote is cast


I know im not the only one anxious for this election to be over.  But even now, I must remember a few things.

1.  God is in control

2. I have a responsibility to vote

3. God is in control

The redundancy is not a typo.  As a Christian, it boils down to my walk with Christ, tons of prayer, and a determination to be responsible and vote.  Its not about voting for the candidate that gives me what I want.  News flash, candidates will tell you what you want to hear and they probably wont deliver.  Why?  Not because they are evil, but because they are human.  And as humans, they will fail.  I say that to say, that instead of searching for who says what, or does not say what, we should be seeking the mind of the Lord.  For those of us who can hear His still small voice, and for those us who are lead by the spirit, THAT needs to be our guide.  Reason?  Sure, but I say again, the reason cannot lie in what the candidates say or don’t say.  And to some degree and cant even lie in what the candidates do.  For our society has breed a generation of politicians that are people pleasers.  I don’t blame them, I blame our society because I know, that if a candidate where to step up to the podium and tell us the truth, we would not vote for him or her.  Therefore, its not about them, its about God.  Its about prayer.  Its about trusting in the one that steers the leader’s heart as He steers the rivers.  It’s about us being a holy nation, that can start interceding unselfishly, as opposed to seeking our comfort or our rights. Therefore, Rise up and kneel before His Majesty.  Seek His mind, and let Him lead you.

Juan Castillo Jr.

Twitt be my honor


Hey guys!

I just thought about this (like right now…why I didn’t think about this before, well only God knows), but if you want to follow me on twitter, by all means please do.  My twitter name is @Jcgator1. I tend to muse a lot, so if you are an advent twitter person you may be interested in my shenanigans :).  Ill be back more consistently soon though.  One more month to go for this semester to be over! Wohoo!