I currently sit in a Firehouse Subs restaurant thinking.
A lot has happened.
Yesterday I saw a disturbing display of hatred. White people with torches marching through an institution of learning in clear opposition of people different than them.
It's ironic really.
Did they not learn the ignorance of hating people for their skin color? How did they not learn this?
I sit here feeling more vulnerable then I have ever felt.
I thought we were passed this!
People died yesterday because someone could not see past the color of someone else's skin. Someone died because of hatred so strong, it's like the stuff of movies.
But this is not a movie, it's real. My God it's real.
I've often wondered how my grandparents dealt with the obvious displays of racism. How did they deal with outright condemnation and devaluation of their being due to their skin color and nationality?
Looks like I'm about to find out.
Everyday these outright displays of bigotry become more common. Furthermore, the elected leadership of this country seem to not take a strong stance against it. Instead, they play their political games with politically correct rhetoric while people like me seek assurance.
An assurance that says "we are not going to let these bad people persecute you".
I was actually holding my breath to see this assurance become reality.
I've stopped holding my breath.
It's becoming obvious to me that help is not going to come from my leadership.
I guess that shouldn't surprise me.
But then, where IS help coming from?
Some will say "the Lord".
This is true.
But the Lord uses instruments, people. Where are his instruments?
I sit here seriously thinking about how to protect myself, how to protect others, how to stand against prejudice and injustice.
I shouldn't really be thinking this. Or should I?
Maybe I've been living in a bubble and I'm finally waking up?
Matrix style with a pill and everything.
It's a rude awakening.
I really wish those people knew what it feels like to feel like this. It's one thing if a person hates me because I'm an asshole.
I can deal with that.
But to hate me simply because I'm darker skinned?
Who can control their birth skin color?
Then again, as a gay man this should not be all that foreign to me.
It's just frustrating to look in the mirror and see someone that is hated by such a large group of people for reasons that cannot be controlled.
So what am I going to do about it?
I am going to love but stand for justice. I am going to fight with compassion. I am going to pray and shout as loud as I can. I am going to heal as best as I can.
The bubble is broken.
My safety net is gone.
The bigots are bold now and my life is not worth much to them.
In an instant, one of them could run me over with a car.
In an instant.
I pray I'm being sensational.
I pray I'm wrong.
I pray this is just the media blowing things out of proportion.
But sadly I know it's not so. Sadly, I know that this ugly truth has been here all along. Except now it has a face, and we see it for what it really is.
That mask is slowly coming off, and as it does we incrementally see how disfigured and grotesque this face is.
Who can stand it?
God help us.