Needless to say I have been MIA. So much has happened it’s hard for me to gather my thoughts enough to form a coherent Blog post, but here goes:
First off, let me thank those of you who have sent me encouraging e-mails, Facebook posts and Blog comments. It feels good to know that people are behind you during rough times, and I have to admit these past two months has probably been one of the roughest periods for me in a long, long time. My struggles reached an all-time high which lead me to question just about everything I thought I knew. A deep desire rooted in obscurity finally saw the light of day as I was completely undone in the face of my weakness. I struggled and I struggled bad as I came face to face with the fact that I felt alone. I wanted companionship and I was blinded to the Love of God. In hindsight I am shocked as to how easy it was for me to forget how awesome the Lord was and has been in my life. Nevertheless, I found myself in a spot of longing and seeking. I also found myself in deep sadness as one of my best friends was leaving the states. It was hard for me to handle all the emotions raging within me. I found it hard to pray; heck I found myself not wanting to pray.
Nevertheless, the Lord was faithful. He reminded me of my true love, the only one I have given everything for, and most importantly, He reminded of who He was. He was not a God given to PMS episodes. He did throw temper tantrums when I messed up. Rather, He was and still is patient. Leading with His loving kindness and waiting for me to see truth. I saw truth. I saw the fact that what I am looking for A. I already have in the Lord. B. I already have in the likes of my best friends.
As the Lord usually does, He creates beauty from ashes. My time of struggle has produced something wonderful in that I am acquainted with my weakness and am slowly losing the fear of failure. God is also reinstating all the promises He has made over my life because they were nor are they dependent on my performance. Satan deceived me into thinking they were, but they aren’t. I have something to reach for now, I have a life to live.
That’s not to say I am free from my struggles, how I wish it was so. No I am not. But, I now know, that I can walk this road hand in hand with friends who love me and a God who adores the living snot out of me no matter what I do. That alone is worth all the riches in the world. That alone, is indeed priceless….to be continued.