It’s easy to get into the mindset of perfection especially when you are a Christian. I mean we serve a perfect Father, why wouldn’t we have to be perfect right? On top of that, doesn’t the bible say we have to be perfect? (Matthew 5:48 by the way) and wasn’t Jesus perfect when He came to earth and we are to follow in His footsteps? I’m being rhetorical here but you can see how easy it is to start to believe perfection is our immediate goal. The problem with this scenario of perfection is the point when you realize that you are not perfect. You know, that point when you realize that after so many times of trying so hard to be good and not to fall, you fall anyways. It’s that moment when you are afraid to pray and ask for forgiveness because you have prayed that same prayer more than 70×7. What do you then?
It’s not easy when you are used to riding the spiritual highs and end up in a spiritual low, especially when you know you could have done something otherwise that would have kept you from going into the spiritual low to begin with. Indeed, this is where I found myself these past few weeks. It’s nice when you are at a spiritual point that you feel as if an atomic bomb could go off and you would remain unscathed. It’s awesome to look back and see how well you have progressed and how clean you have remained from the chains of the sins you are so used to battling with. Nevertheless, there are those times, when it feels as if all that is needed is a slight puff from the wind to send you rolling into 500 feet of murk and grime. There are those times when stumbling becomes almost second nature….Stumbling? More like hopelessly falling and breaking all your bones while heading down a 90 degree precipice of endless jagged rocks. What do you do then? Have you failed? Is the Lord disappointed?
I catch myself thinking these thought, feeling as if I am somehow the biggest failure ever. Saying things like “I know better”, or “I thought I was over this” only to be confronted with the harsh and Oh so painful reality that my sin is staring at my face once again. It’s enough to make someone (that being me) question their salvation, their standing with God, their hope for the future. If I’m honest (which I am) I have to say that these are things that I have been battling with; that is the anger and frustration of just utter failure…at least in my eyes. It makes matter worse when you grow in leaps and bounds to that point; that singular point, where you keep thinking “it’s done” or “it’s beaten” but the fact is, it’s not quite beaten yet. Better said, the manifestation of the defeat is not fully visible yet.
Nevertheless, this is why right now I rejoice. I rejoice because I have a savior. I rejoice because on the cross 2000 years ago He saw me as I am right now; and still died. I rejoice because I have a Savior who understands me, who was tempted just like I and even though He did not sin, He knows what I am going through. I have a Savior who desires for me to be free from my sin. But when the waves start to drown me; He is quick to extend His hand. That’s just it; I have a Savior. That’s all I have and really that’s all I need. I just wish it did not take 500 feet of murk and grime to see that. Nevertheless, I find that God is not good at math, because He keeps forgiving me…and I know is way past 70×7.